It's a fine line

Warning, this is just a rant and a  place to do so and process my thoughts so read no further if not your cup of tea.

I'm finding it difficult to suppress my current opinions on food with my immediate family and draw a line as to how much I pass on. Well I've been on a quest to discover what has driven my weight on this upwards and out of control spiral.  But on this journey I have been learning, and have the urge to cascade what I've learnt down to those that I care about, but you have to tread carefully with that.

Most of the time I'm punching myself in personal annoyance. Why the hell did I allow myself develop a weight problem. It's not as if I didn't know better either!  Heck, I have an uncle who was a chemist in the food industry back in the late 70/80s.  He changed careers and took his family off all processed foods (I recall being told that he changed career because the same ingredients that went into strawberry yogurt were the same as those that went into gravy, etc).

Anyway, during this festive period I'm feeling aggravated by the food that I observe - it's leading to some, lets say, heated discussions.  I know in the past being told not to have one would make me pick up two so I'm the last person to advise. But I have to admit I may soon join up with the food police because it really does bother me when those that I care about eat junk. 

When I mentioned to a family member that I'm totally cutting certain foods, I made the mistake of saying 'because they make me feel contaminated'.  Apparently, she tells me, these are the words used by anorexics so I should be careful not to develop an eating disorder.  Pardon - this comes from someone addicted to exercise to control and enhance their mood level.

The fact is, I have over the last 10 + years developed weight related health problems and, therefore, it should come as no surprise that I'm choosing to totally eliminate the source of my problems. The difference that this 'diet' has revealed is that there is another (darker) level of damage posed by much of the 'normal' food that ladens our cupboards (hidden sugars/corn/trans fats/soy/aspartame/MSG), not just weight gain.  Facts that niggled, but until now I never previously took steps to investigate exactly HOW toxic and damaging they were, or indeed the part they played in my weight gain.

So, I'm not sure what exactly has tipped the scale and caused me to react, but I have for a change decided to care for myself. Not simply using food as an agent raise my mood, but look after myself by investing in my health.  I am choosing to stop putting what I now recognise as s*?!*!! into my body.  After all haven't I been encouraged to stop for so long, now I'm doing so please don't hinder me. It seems that I've taken my diet onto another level, one that is less understood and goes beyond simple 'healthy eating'.  It's trickier to avoid the  s*?!*!! and I have to be vigilent but this surely doesn't mean that I'm developing an eating problem, although I am escaping one!!

The way I see it is that with there are no half measures - OH NO - this time there's no diet food, low fat, low sugar, chemical laden foods for me! 

Comments

[AllHeart]

I feel confident that you will be eating like this for the rest of your life now. You know when you finally "click" and it all makes sense. Your eyes open up and you suddenly "see" things for what they are. I was the same, which is why I can see you just "clicked" yourself in this post. You still have to stay vigilant and keep your guard up, but you won't have the inner struggle forcing yourself to continue any more. Now it is just natural to you.

[DoingTheCaveman]

Hi Allheart, I’d tentatively say that I’m starting to feel as if I’m getting there too:-). What you say about having ‘clicked’ is so spot on, as with maths (for me anyway).

It’s true I will always have to be vigilant around some things, chocolate. I know I can’t even go there, as once started I’d never be able to stop at one, I am the ultimate candy monster. However, right now given the choice between chocolate or cherries, cherries would win - not simply because they’re healthier but because they would be my taste and visual preference. Maybe I shouldn’t admit to this but I now love my food more than I’ve ever done, but without the guilt associations.

As you said in a previous comment making changes in small incremental steps is the way forwards in making a permanent lifestyle changes and taking it slow, I’m learning, does in turn support the inner struggle.

Sometimes it's not great to see things for what they are, it's not a pretty picture - I absolutely hate to know I've been manipulated.