DoingTheCaveman

Confessional & THE Penny Farthing

Dear Blog.

"I sinned".

yes~ Jenny ~ weak, weak weak

...but being caught in the act WILL be an effective deterrent. 

Oh the shame of it.

This is what happened:

I rounded the corner today at work; it was the end of the day and THERE sitting on the side was a plate of biscuits.  Now usually such things are confined to the staff room - where I don't go!  Without thinking I took one and it was so, so ... goodI went back for more - two more!  Now my colleagues know about my 'unsual' diet.  They've been supportive and have really assisted by not putting temptation in my path... and you know ~sometimes~ when you're on a diet, there'll be someone who sets themselves the personal task of sabotaging it.  Not this group though.  Their support has really helped my resolve, which until recently has been unbreakable and strong.  I know it's only me who will ultimately succeed or fail, but I don't want to let down those that've encouraged me.  With this in mind I've easily been able to walk on past any temptation inadvertently left in my path.

Today however, Colleague 'B'. said, with her back to me,

"Jenny, I've left some biscuits from the meeting on the side, although I know with your diet you probably won't' want any".

She then swung round to face me ... and there I was ... looking like a bloody hamster, gob full of yummy oaty biscuit and hand hovering near my mouth ready for the next bite, as guilty as sin and no way to escape.

It was one of those awful moments when time stands still.  Complete surprise and shock on her face.  Horror on mine.  

Hysterical

Amused 'B' said

"but I see you've found them!!!" and then we both cracked up. 

Well you can't be a saint all the time.....

I think I've redeemed myself though.  Since the sun had decided to show itself on the way home I took a detour to the top of Ditchling Beacon and, biscuits in mind, went for a brisk walk along the top. I really don't know why I don't do this more often... in truth, I'm not usually the driver so the car doesn't usually want to stop. Anyway, it was beautiful and on the way home my face was glowing from the exhilaration of the brisk walk and wind, rather than my previous acute embarrassment.  

It's a snaky steep drive down, and can be a little hair raising.  Today I found myself thinking that, if I died now my last hour would have been a truly happy one. 

Finally as a completely random way to finish this entry on the way home a bizarre sight - a boy *speeding* through the village on a Penny Farthing! I kid you not.  Strange, I did wonder if it was some sort of physical challenge because it did look like really hard work.  

 

 

Discharged

Woohoo! discharged from the Diabetic Clinic!!!  I had my follow-up appointment on Tuesday.  I saw the registrar who just seemed a little bemused as to why the consultant hadn't discharged me previously.  The thing is, although my Hb A1c was really good but I can't remember what it was, at the time I was more interested in another result.  Good news is I'm now discharged from the Diabetic Clinic. 

It's pretty disappointing though.  Ever since I was in Portugal a few weeks ago I've had a persistent, painful and chesty cough, my doctor had said the usual, it was probably a virus, not that I often present with this sort of problem and I'd caught whatever on the flight.  Last week it turned chesty again and I've been feverish and exhausted.  Anyway this was the only thing of any significance I had to mention at the hospital.  So she included this in the bloods on Tuesday, the result of which showed raised inflammation markers - I saw my GP the next day with the results and he's diagnosed 'acute bronchitis' and prescribed a course of antibiotics.  Getting better, though I am disappointed ... that is to be poorly having been through the winter with hardly a hint of a cold or flu. 

Anyway not much going on this weekend I'm in recovery mode, and still in limbo unable to make plans with my house move so have pretty much stayed at home, taking it easy and baking some paleo cakes.  Not very pretty but totally yummy.

Oh what a year.

Has it been obvious I've been flagging of late.  I see my consultant on Tuesday and I think the thought of this has caused made me to struggle over the last couple of weeks, quietly sabotaging myself.  So instead of writing a load of c**p I read through my previous posts in order to remind myself why I'm observing this way of eating (WOE), and indeed the desperate point I came from.

The last year has been a journey I'd never expected, not only the weight-loss and my attitudes to food but also where I see myself going with life in general.

It has been an evolving process and there have been a few painful steps too.

# One :  Quite simply indignation that a doctor, who I'd never met before, was making assumptions, stereotyping and accusing me of seeking for a magic pill for weight-loss.

# Two : The anger and indignation snapped me out of my apathy, and possibly depression.

I knew, from being a fatigued lifetime dieter, that other dieting models didn't work for me.  When I wasn't overeating from the frustration of repeated failures I was eating a 'normal SUKD. When I saw my consultant I was just eating the reduced diet I'd been advised, so was fuming at his disbelief.  I left the consultant determined to prove him wrong, but what was I to do.  I felt that the only way left to me for weight loss was to completely stop eating! So for the first few days this is what I did.

# Three :  It was perfectly timed that following the week of *that* humiliating hospital appointment I should run into the paleo diet and the concept made simple sense to me.  I/we were getting fat because we were eating in a way that biologically we weren't designed for.  In other words, accepted 'normal' healthy eating was false and I was simply eating way more than my body required.

A lesson I've learnt over the past year is that there is something intrinsically wrong with the food pyramid and the advice provided doesn't necessarily come from health sources.  If you make a worldwide comparison, you can see that that but every country has its own food pyramid. Surely, the fact that there are so many variations highlights the fact that we are confused about what we should be eating.

# Four :  I started to eat paleo and my blood sugar readings normalised within a couple of weeks and the weight loss followed. 

# Five : As far as I could see, with the success so far, it was down the the chemical overload I/we were eating.  I went on a literature rampage, not difficult when you work in a university library - my appetite for periodicals and food related books became bigger than my appetite for food.  I was very, very annoyed - I'd been poisoned, manipulated by the food industry. I felt like a pawn in a mass conspiracy, a £ on legs.  I could have blogged (ranted) more, but for life getting in the way.

# Six :  Next I became a little over zealous and recruited myself into the food police.  I'd got my ship in order, but now everyone around me were, like madmen, munching questionable food, and boy my immediate family were in for a hard time :)

# Seven :  I've entered another phase now - a quite phase. I'm settling into this WOE and I'm still blogging and recording my progress and probably will be ranting some more, but offline I'm not advertising my diet as much and instead just getting quietly on with it.  It's easier to say that I'm gluten/dairy intolerant in social situations, but if I'm asked how I'm losing the weight paleo will get the credit.

This WOE though has opened up some new interests and lifestyle (basically naturapathy Vs allopathy, herbalism, permaculture and raw foodism etc). Last year I would have considered it all a little too alternative, despite being a Brightonian! 

So anyway when this post started it it was only meant to be a few short paragraphs to let you know that I was going to have a blog tidy up.  Refresh my own memory as to why as to why I'm on this journey and the posts that I consider to be the most representative of it in the sidebar. 

I know I have to step it up if I'm to shift my weight any further and for the next year, that of course has to be exercise.  I sometimes have to remind myself that, for me, it's not simply about weight loss, it's the fact that a year ago I did have the threat of insulin looming over me and that's (hopefully) a mere memory.  My journey is one about fighting a common and modern disease by stepping back in time.

Sad news

   

A little maudlin today.  During the weekend I spied an obituary to a 'lad' who was in my school year.  To be perfecly honest I couldn't really remember who he was and had to check out the tags on our year photo to put the face to the name.  Nevertheless, I feel terribly sad and although I don't really know what happened the obituary asks for donations to be sent to the British Heart Foundation.  Who knows what heart condition he had,  I'm just putting 2 and 2 together and making 5.  I know it happens, but it highlights the danger of heart disease when it happens so close to home.  Not so long ago we were a healthy bunch and  I'm completely shocked that anyone from my own school year would already dropping down from heart disease, we're not that old (36).  Brings home the fragility of life. (R.I.P. Peter)

What's exercise to you?

Reading around other blogs lately it's great to see other's doing to be doing so well. I on the other hand am stuck.  Since January I've been yo- yoing back and forth between 13stone 9 lb and 13 stone 3 lb (83 - 87 kilos).  I was a feeling a little blue after my holiday and that was reflected in the scales when the vending machine sprouted a halo.  I binged.  Briefly! That's why I haven't posted my weight recently, since after getting down to 13 stone 3 lb before my holiday, it was depresing that two weeks following it I was back up to 13 stone 9 lb (88 kilos).  I was worried I was losing my motivation, and until now blogging has been a surprising way of keeping up the momentum.

But we all have our bad weeks.  It's just that over the last 5 months, no the last 10 years I haven't been able to get my weight below 12 stone 12 lbs.  I'm convinced that once I go through the 13/14 stone barrier it'll be plain sailing all the way. 

In relation to the diet, I have been back on track since the 'Raw' workshop, my weight, however, is completely stuck.  The problem is I see the hospital consultant in a couple of weeks and, although I have lost since I last saw him, I'd been aiming for another 24 lbs.  I'm worried that the binge will show up in my Hb A1c and have 2 weeks to push it down before the appointment.

On the whole, while I am quite satisfied with my way of eating (now I'm back on track).  Sometimes it's so easy I forget I'm on a diet. It is simply my way of life now and, at the moment, I don't plan on any further dietary changes. So, what else can I do to bring about further weight loss?

E.e.e.e.exercise.  It's not that I haven't been exercising, I have.  It's just that I haven't got any particular routine and it's no secret I HATE the gym. My routine is a stop/start routine. I have absolutely no motivation to get myself there and I recognise the fact the gym is *never* going to feature in my life.  But I do need to light a fire under my butt.

'Activity' on the other hand is a word I do like...

To clarify, when I say I hate the gym that doesn't mean that I hate activity.  It's just that I'm having trouble maintaining or integrating exercise with any regularity into my life.  A routine may be started but something always seems to get in the way, whether it be the weather or the dark.

Walking on a treadmill, stepper etc is something that, for me, has little point.  Apart from personal goals it doesn't really lead to any particular achievement.  It's not that I don't recognise its benefit, but I prefer to view exercise in terms of activity that has a purpose.  Expending physical energy should have a point; have an outcome, make a contribution, be a game, or be a learning experience whereby you constantly improving your abilities.  For example, to get from A to B, clear a garden, play tennis or a martial art.

Looking back that's just the way I grew up to view exercise - there should be a challenging element in it; place of beauty to see; plain fun; a challenge or adrenaline raiser; the next grade to aim for or game to win.  *sigh* though I'm simply too old to return to ballet. LOL.  Maybe yoga - hmmm now there's a thought.

Anway, I have made a decision about the exercise problem though - to go from A to B.  Now the weather's getting brighter I've made a decision.  So on a recent visit to my folks I roped my poor old dad in on my exercise plan ...

'Daddy, please can you find my bike?'  ... well I'm not venturing into *his* shed territory, and ... 'Daddy, can you mend my bike?'  .... no excuse for that one!

Apart from grumbling that the tyres would be rotten my wonderful Dad duly obliged and extracted said bike from its dungeon.  Oiled and tyres pumped up, I'm all set.  Once, of course, they've had a couple of days to ensure they don't deflate after years of neglect.

Ironic that the last time I cycled it was actually a two week cycling holiday in Holland.

So, the eventual grand plan, and first step, to consistently raise my level of 'activity' is to cycle to and from work!  It's not something I'm going to be able to do straight way though!  It's a long, long way to work!  But it's giving me another goal to aim for and I'll be able to make some savings and get my exercise all in one go.  Over the next few weeks, while we're having some beautiful weather it's my intention to get out in the evenings and re-aquaint myself with the country lanes ... sure going to beat my stationary bike. 

The Mouth Revolution.

Take a stand.

Join the revolution

Yes, I know what am I doing watching silly videos when I could be exercising.

I couldn't resist posting this if you have 5 minutres see this video.  It is quite funny - promise!